The forced gay success thread...

[jr987]

[quote="stephen292"] It is the opposite with men. I don't find them attractive but have sexual interest in them. i love gay porn and get an urge to suck and want my ass penetrated when i watch it. I'm not out to anyone i know, but i have my face visible on many gay dating sites. I talk with men online all the time but i just can't bring myself to meet them. I live in a remote village so it is hard to meet as most are so far away. Last year i did talk with a guy who lives in the same village and went to his place. His naked body was so good but i couldn't bring myself to suck him.

In some ways i regret listening to the file, in other ways I regret it wasn't more affective on me. While i find women attractive and i tell people i'm straight, i tend to think of myself as gay when i'm alone at home. I guess i just need to find a hypnotist to finish the transformation[/quote]

I wonder if it's just a matter of breaking out of your comfort zone and taking a cock in your mouth, even when you are reluctant--I mean, of course, in a situation like the one you describe. Maybe that would be the moment you turn the corner and realize that the file has had much more effect than you thought it had. I'm not saying I'm sure that would happen, but it would certainly be worth a shot! If you aren't going to date women, you'll definitely want to have sex with men and eventually have a boyfriend, I would think. Otherwise, it could be a lonely life... (I'm not saying anything you haven't thought of...)!

[stephen292]

[quote="jr987"]I wonder if it's just a matter of breaking out of your comfort zone and taking a cock in your mouth, even when you are reluctant--I mean, of course, in a situation like the one you describe. Maybe that would be the moment you turn the corner and realize that the file has had much more effect than you thought it had. I'm not saying I'm sure that would happen, but it would certainly be worth a shot! If you aren't going to date women, you'll definitely want to have sex with men and eventually have a boyfriend, I would think. Otherwise, it could be a lonely life... (I'm not saying anything you haven't thought of...)![/quote]
You could be right. It is strange, when i was straight, the first time i had sex with a woman the first thing i did was lick her pussy. Even then i found the tase disgusting but i would always do it so i don't know why i can't suck a cock when its something i really want to do. I do want a boyfriend but having a boyfriend doesn't feel right at the same time if that makes sense. And you are right, i do live a lonely life

[jr987]

[quote="stephen292"]
You could be right. It is strange, when i was straight, the first time i had sex with a woman the first thing i did was lick her pussy. Even then i found the tase disgusting but i would always do it so i don't know why i can't suck a cock when its something i really want to do. I do want a boyfriend but having a boyfriend doesn't feel right at the same time if that makes sense. And you are right, i do live a lonely life[/quote]

Ugh. I just wrote a long reply and it got blown out by the weird bugs of this platform. Trying again: Hey, thanks for this vulnerable reply. I can totally relate to what you are describing. I wonder what is going on that causes you to feel this way. I assume it could be a few things: 1. You are using the files for some purpose other than just to amplify something that already exists within you. I assume that most people use the files because they already know they have homosexual inclinations but want to feel that more deeply, more consistently, and with less static coming from attraction to women. I think the files can help with achieving the latter two, but attraction to women is hard to "kill" when you're either straight or bisexual. Some people on this site have said they've used the files because while they wanted to be with women, women don't seem to like them. This seems like a steeper hill to climb. 2. You could be dealing with internalized homophobia. Our culture has come a long way toward acceptance of differences in sexual orientation, but there are still huge areas of bias when it comes to men having sex with men. If your aversion to a man's penis in a real life encounter is accompanied by shame or some kind of sense of revulsion, you might well be dealing with that. 3. It could also be that you are not really inclined toward "hot sex" with a stranger, but that you crave intimacy. While you might not love the idea of actually sucking off a hot guy you just met, it's possible that you would find intimate lovemaking with a man to be a very beautiful thing.

I'm guessing that the part of you that says "having a boyfriend doesn't feel right" is having trouble with attraction. I get that, and I feel it too. What I find is that 99+% of men are not attractive to me. But when I am relaxed and just keeping myself open, every once in a while someone will break through the cracks and I'll think "oh, that guy's kind of hot." If I were single, I'd try to take those moments and see if they could deepen a little -- maybe not for sex (at the beginning), but just to see if there could be warmth and some affection between the two of us. It's possible that that kind of approach could lead to a more intimate sexual experience that would feel more natural. Anyway, my wish for you is freedom from loneliness, which sucks!

[stephen292]

Thanks for your reply. I'll try and address your points.
1- i started with the file as a bit of fun but always kind of liked the idea of being with a man and thought the file may help with that. Never really thought it would really effect my feelings to women.
2- even though i have worked with gay men, want to be with men, watch gay porn and met up with men, i think i do have some internal homophobia.
3- i never did sex with strangers with women, only if i had dated them whereas with men it has only been strangers. I think i do want intimacy but i would have had hookups with women if i could have bit doubt i would have enjoyed them.
4- i think the boyfriend not feeling right is partly due to attraction but could be that internal homophobia and how friends family would react too. I do sometimes see a man and think hes cute but never one on a dating site.
Loneliness is awful, i kind of expect to be alone forever now to be honest.

[stephen292]

Its also different on different days. There are days when i like the idea of being gay while the next day i could want to be straight again